The Science of Motivation: Getting the Best Out of Your Team (or Your Kids)

One of the most powerful things you can learn as a leader, parent, teacher—or even as a partner—is how to motivate someone in a way that works for them.

That’s the key.  Because here’s the truth:

What motivates you probably won’t motivate them.

You might think it’s common sense to want recognition or to work quickly or to follow the rules—but that’s just your Shape talking.

If you’ve ever been frustrated because your employee isn’t driven, or your kid won’t focus, or your partner doesn’t show initiative… it’s probably not because they’re lazy.

It’s because you’re speaking the wrong motivation language.

Why the 12 Shapes Is the Cheat Code to Motivation

Every Shape has different core fears, values, and needs, and those determine how they’re wired to be motivated.

Here’s a simple breakdown:

Fear of Failure Dominant Shapes

• Motivated by appreciation, validation, and being told they’re enough

Fear of Loss Dominant Shapes

• Motivated by feeling safe, in control, and supported

If you want to truly get the best out of someone, you have to start by understanding their Shape. It’s like having a personalized instruction manual for their motivation system.

How to Motivate Each Shape:

 

Hearts

Hearts thrive on kindness, appreciation, and connection.They’re motivated when they feel emotionally safe and loved.

• Have them work with others, not alone

• Validate them for their efforts—gently and often

• Never use fear, shame, or pressure—it shuts them down

Circles

Circles are motivated by fun, freedom, and excitement.They light up when things feel lighthearted and social.

• Let them collaborate or lead group tasks

• Give them opportunities to shine socially

• Give them lots of validation about how great they are doing

Ovals

Ovals want to do the right thing and be told they’re good.They are obedient, hardworking, and selfless—but fragile under criticism.

• Praise them for following through and being dependable

• Give them clear expectations and kindness

• Never use harshness—it crushes their motivation

Octagons

Octagons are expressive and emotional, and they need to feel important and heard to stay motivated.

• Listen to their opinions and get their buy in to do it this way

• Make them feel admired and appreciated

• Give them autonomy or let them be in charge

Stars

Stars are motivated by attention, praise, and looking good.They’re creative and expressive but need gentle guidance.

• Praise their appearance and their character

• Recognize their creativity publicly

• Keep criticism soft and constructive

Arrows

Arrows are motivated by results, speed, and winning.They want to do things fast and their own way.

• Give them freedom and autonomy

• Focus on results, not rules

• Praise their problem-solving and tell them they are amazing

Rectangles

Rectangles are curious, independent thinkers.They’re motivated by space to learn, time to think, and being respected.

• Don’t rush them—give them time to process

• Ask about their ideas and listen fully

• Let them work on their interests with freedom

Diamonds

Diamonds are highly motivated by structure, precision, and doing it right.They need reassurance and support for their perfectionism.

• Let them be in charge or have a say in how the task is done

• Ask questions and listen to their ideas

• Stay out of their way and have respect for their systems

Crosses

Crosses are motivated by meaning, values, and doing what’s right.They need to feel their work matters and their voice is heard.

• Validate their principles, even if you disagree

• Give them leadership in value-aligned areas

• Don’t argue with their beliefs—honor their passion

Rhombuses

Rhombuses are competitive, bold, and confident.They’re motivated by power, respect, and control.

• Let them lead or own the project, show them it’s a financial win

• Don’t micromanage—give them room to run

• Stay out of their way and give them a reward for completion

Triangles

Triangles are logical, strategic, and motivated by intelligence and order.They want to do things the right way—their way.

• Respect their logic and give them independence

• Let them design the system or process

• Let them do it their way and leave them alone

Squares

Squares are all about discipline, structure, and doing it the right way.They are motivated when things make sense, and they have some control.

• Give them clear expectations and stay out of their way

• Acknowledge how thorough and organized they are

• Listen to their opinions and give them some control

The Bottom Line: Motivation Isn’t One-Size-Fits-All

We’ve been told to treat people the way we’d want to be treated. But when it comes to motivation?  Treat people the way they need to be treated.

That’s the power of the 12 Shapes.

It’s a science that shows you exactly how to bring out the best in people—without guessing, bribing, or exhausting yourself.  Whether you’re leading a team, coaching clients, managing employees, or raising kids—knowing someone’s Shape is like holding the master key to their motivation.

Want to Learn Your Team’s Shapes?

Get started at 12shapes.com and take the free quiz.

You're not just learning motivation—you’re unlocking the best version of every person you lead.